20 July 2019
This is a work of fiction.
Let's play RimWorld.
Day 1 We crash landed on an uncharted planet. Luckily all of our people survived the crash. Some have injuries that require medical treatment and we have some basic supplies to get us through for a while. Morale is low. Day 6 Construction is going well. We have some basic shelters for us and our stockpiles. We have begun clearing the land for farms, I have colonists out scavenging for food and hunting for meat. Day 10 My colony is thriving. The people have met basic needs for food, shelter, work, comfort. Day 15 Farms are up, we can turn a lot of produce into nutrient paste which is pretty gross but nobody would get food poisoning. Day 20 We tamed some raccoons and space cows, now have a continuous source of milk and meat. Day 31 A raid from an enemy settlement. We fended a squad of armed soldiers with maces and other blunt objects, but we have with us some space age laser weapons that survived the crash. All of them died before they reached our homes. We stripped their gear and froze their corpses. One of the colonists started butchering the frozen bodies into meat packs, and that is now stored in the meat freezer. It creeped the rest of the colonists out, but the butcher seems to be happy. Day 32 A racoon that we tamed earlier got into the meat freezer and started eating human meat from the bandit corpses a colonist carved up yesterday. I have a bad feeling about this but apparently the racoon has developed a liking to human meat. Day 45 A black market trader has come by with a caravan and I noticed that he had some unusual drugs with him. We sold all the frozen body parts to the trader who paid a handsome sum for them, and we got some off world medicine and a stack of highly addictive drugs that permanently encourages milk production. We may find a use for that later. Day 62 Another bandit raid. This time they are even better equipped coming with two platoons of soldiers, some slaves mixed in as the cannon fodder. They attacked the settlement directly by dropping in from orbit and crash landing into our potatoe and corn fields. Our colonists hurried to arm themselves and redeploy static machine guns and mortars to repel them. Two of our colonists were heavily wounded, and we took 7 of the 20 raiders alive. Day 63 We treated our colonists in the field hospital and they are back on their feet. The prisoners however are sick or dying. Three of the male prisoners were violent and resisting arrest so I had our doctors put them to sleep by zapping them with a lightning lance. It won't kill them, but it won't tickle either. The female prisoners appear to be recovering. We may have a use for them. Day 65 This is rimworld and for no reason human body parts go for a relatively high price, in comparison with other traded goods. Being this far out in the edges of known human settlement means it is lawless. I guess there is some sort of fictional black market for the glitterworlds in this game's universe. We decided to harvest the organs of our male prisoners. We don't need more mouths to feed after all. We now got some spare eyes, lungs, kidneys, stomachs and limbs which may be useful for trade later. The corpses were stockpiled in a stone hut and then set on fire like a makeshift crematorium.
Day 71 The female prisoners have recovered and we have managed to convince two of them to join the colony as free colonists after they were enslaved by the bandit group that attacked. There was no resistance. The other prisoners are.... Problematic. I'm pretty sure they will murder my other colonists in their sleep if given the opportunity. So the village elder has decided to enslave them. They will work for us one way or another. Day 72 Another bandit raid. The same group that attacked us the other day seems to really hate us. We will have to deal with them eventually but for now our gunsmiths have deployed several static, automated Vulcan mini guns that will make mince neat out of the new raiders. They use a lot of electricity but they will be very effective against unarmored opponents. Day 73 Bandits are defeated. Zero casualties. Like earlier we stripped them of their gear and weapons and doctor death began liberating the dying ones of their organs and limbs. The ones that could be saved were again placed in the cells. We convinced a few prisoners to join us as laborers, and enslaved the rest to do hard labour. Day 80 Every day we learn something new. That drug we got from the black market trader turns out that it can be used on humans. It's highly addictive so I don't want to use it on our colonists but we have a large prison full of slaves who would be perfect for this experiment. If it goes well they might not need to toil the fields anymore. Human experimentation - what could possibly go wrong? Day 81 We have housed all our prisoners in the individual cells. They get nutrient paste every day which sufficiently meets all of their daily nutritional needs. We have two colonists acting as wardens for the prison and now we have injected that experimental drug on all of our prisoners. It appears that most of them are producing milk like our space cows. I have downloaded some pretty weird mods for this game, but this is definitely one of the weirdest mods I've ever seen. Not only have my colonists harvested human organs for the black market, now we have human cattle. When the prisoners are full, the milk solids are siphoned away automatically and placed in tubs. I've assigned an area of the freezer just for human milk and they are frozen to prevent it from spoiling. The cooks can use the milk to prepare fine or lavish meals for the colony. We may have to research non lethal weapons and build a drug laboratory to ensure we have a steady supply of this drug and prisoners to supply milk! Oh and we've just harvested our first crop of rice, corn and potatoes since crash landing on this planet. We may survive this harsh place after all. Day 100 It's time to deal with that pesky bandit settlement that keeps coming after us. We must have captured, killed, enslaved or harvested over 60 of their raiders and they still keep coming. Given the tactics and equipment that we've seen, I have armed 12 of my Frontline soldiers with some leftover power armor, most of them have sub machine guns, and one has our only portable field artillery. The shock troops with submachine guns also have stun batons for non lethal takedown. Another wonderful mod to the game that allows your pawns to carry two weapons and backpacks. The convoy set off with our armed forces and several free colonists and animals to haul our supply caravan. We already know where the bandits are so we'll make a beeline for their settlement. Day 104 We have arrived at the bandit camp. Our shock troops are ready for a fight. I deployed the field artillery and began sieging the static defenders from a distance. This will be a massacre. The bandits have not dug in and barely have enough weapons for every person in the camp. As expected of the silly bandits, they immediately charged at my entrenched troops that were on standby with overlapping fields of fire. My soldiers shredded the bandits into mince meat. By the end of the fight 37 bandits were killed and we suffered zero casualties. We also captured 19 non combatants. My supply convoy is cleaning up the camp and stripping the battlefield, and preparing for our return trip. Day 138 We now have beer!